I just so happen to be in the mood for a bit of linguistic, lyric-licking and hark, someone appears to be knocking at my Venting Door Of Rant.
Recently, a "Harleen" from BMC Entertainment left a comment in this blog's 'Mouthpiece' chatbox asking me to review a song by the artist Carvelli.
Okay. Before I do that, Harleen, I should first like to bring to your attention the sentence written above the chatbox.
It reads thus:
"..unless you are linking to sites that are beneficial to this blog's readership then they WILL BE DELETED. Or maybe I'll just take the mick out of you, spammy."
I assume that you will have read this first before leaving a link to the song in question? Or, heavens to Betsy, are you - in your capacity as an employee of BMC Entertainment - just mass-spamming blogs in the hope of someone actually liking the song?
Right, first things first.
Is this song "beneficial to this blog's readership"? Let's establish what this blog is and what it stands for shall we?
Ageing B-Boys Unite! is aimed at the more mature hip hop demographic who have a fondness for the old school and Golden Age. New music is strictly a no-no and rarely does anything get a mention here past 1994. And even then it is taken into a small, uncomfortable room and questioned at length.
You knew this though right, Harleen?
Therefore by realising the market and readership of this blog then you thought they would be the right kind of people who would enjoy Caravellio's music, yes? Because I assume that you will have done your research into where the best places are to promote your clients' work first, right?
I mean, these days promotion is a tough business and you have to plan correctly in order to get the best out of your business, don't you? I'm sure that you wouldn't dream of slapping every music blog with this link, would you? Would you??
By spamming me and others do you think, Harleen, that this is the best possible solution in promoting your client?
Perhaps you didn't think that myself and others would wonder WHY you are asking us to listen to this particular song when it doesn't actually contain ANY of the attributes that us old school hip hoppers actually LOOK for in a song?
I can only assume then that you are hawking the song around in the desparate hope that someone, somewhere will actually like it and buy it. And you are in marketing/promotion?
If you had done your research properly then you would know that Ageing B-Boys Unite! is NOT the place for this sub-standard, clubby, un-hip hop song.
If you had looked at this blog properly then you would know that there is a chance that "maybe I'll just take the mick out of you, spammy."
In fact you have, with your shoddy actions, made we want to avoid all Caravanelli stuff in the future.
Look before you leap, Henry.
And for any spamming bots that look for emails to spam, here ya go. Eat em up, yum, yum
The ABU & Disco Scratch Summer Madness!
Well, we've both talked about it, chewed the fat and given you hints but now both myself (Repo) and Waxer can finally give you the whole damn skinny on the event of the summer.
The date is Saturday June 22nd, the event is Summer Madness where you will find yourself maxing and relaxing in the company of other like-minded members of the whole Ageing B-Boys and Disco Scratch fraternity.
You need no reminding of how exactly it is that we roll. We put on no airs or graces and refuse to take the whole hip hop mindset as seriously as we may have once done as an angry young African Medallian-wearing teenager.
Just like the evening surely will be at Summer Madness, the mood is mellow now and all we want to do is kick back and chill with a cool bottle, can or glass of our favourite tipple, chinwag and listen to some great, classic hip hop and cot-damn funky breaks.
Whilst there you will be chatting to people that previously you may have only communicated with in the Disco Scratch chatroom but now you can see what they are like in person!
Pull up a chair, discuss the finer points of nodding your head on the up or downbeat with JimCee and Bit; discover just what goes into preparing the finest cookies with LG's Biscuit Roulette; ask Mrs Waxer in person if it is actually a diploma or a degree? The sky really is the limit, folks.
We have purposefully decided NOT to call this event a jam because we are not booking any acts to perform. However due to the spontaneity of this culture we love (not live, c'mon unless you're Westwood) then if anyone feels like dropping some lyrical outpourings on the mic then, just like Aviva Insurance, we got your back.
We have plans for you all to get interactive up in here should you wish to. Two activities that are designed to keep you steppin', brother man, are Rap Karaoke and Scratch-aoke. Get on the microphone as the liquid refreshment is the key to unlock that patter you've kept locked in your dome for 20 years and unleash it over a familiar beat.
Drop that famous scratch you've practiced so many times over your favourite tune. Scratch like Eric B and win a prize!
Summer Madness will also bring to you something that Waxer and myself feel is almost unheard of, especially around hip hop circles.
This is an effort to get family together. The Disco Scratch Thursday Night Wives are cordially invited, nay, begged to attend this gathering. And not only that but if you have kids then WE WANT THE SHORTIES!
Yes, we are proud to give you a special event that will give your kids the opportunity to shine and be a part of the day. For two hours the music selection will be provided by the dj's of tomorrow. Your cherished offspring can play 4 or 5 tunes each and get a taste of what being behind the wheels of steel with a booming system is like. Don't have vinyl? We have Traktor. We got your tunes. We taking care of bidness, yo.
The sun will shine. And what else do we need to keep the funk flowing? This party needs a Hip Hop Pub Quiz, you say? Way ahead of you, tough guy. Like the J-Beez, we got it like that. Teams of 4 are needed here - however Whirlwind D is in a team of one, possibly bound and gagged to let everyone else in with a chance. Drop the knowledge and prove to your missus that all those years of reading vinyl run-out grooves have certainly not been in vain.
With the sun beating down on your baseball hat, we're sure the need for grub will be most anticipated along with your bring-your-own-beer. A BBQ with the sweetest meat this side of The Real Roxanne will be handled by a team of hip hop honeys to provide you with a mouth-watering selection of chicken, burgers, sausages and ribs.
And of course a Bouncy Castle and Water Slide for the little 'uns and a Hot Tub for the mums and dads.
The whole thing kicks off at 2pm with the booming system toned down to a chilled-level at midnight where we can carry on until the small hours.
The venue is in a large, spacious house with ample parking in a quiet lane situated in the South-East of England.
This is not only a family affair but a modest one, too. We are keeping the numbers down to 40 adults.
Tickets are £10 each and a Family Ticket is available at £30. A one adult/one child option is also available at £15.
(The above Paypal button has cut-off the information on the Single Ticket option. It should read: Single Ticket (One Adult or One Child).
The last date to purchase, should there still be tickets available, will be Friday May 31st. Don't sleep on this.
This is a non-profit event and should any profit be made it will go straight back into the kitty to buy booze! How you like them apples?